Friday was the end of a very challenging- but rewarding week. God is taking me on a personal journey and while it's exciting, it's also very draining and emotionally difficult sometimes. During my quiet time Friday morning, I felt led to study Acts. It seemed I needed to remind myself of my roots (Acts is the 1st book of the Bible I studied verse by verse), as well as the roots of what "church" is really supposed to be. I started with Saul's conversion in Acts 9, and never made it past verse 22. Specifically, I parked on verses 10-17:
10In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!"
"Yes, Lord," he answered.
11The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight."
13"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. 14And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name."
15But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. 16I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."
17Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit."
God used this familiar passage to reassure me that we don't always know what we think we know. (Yeah, I realize I should've figured that out a long time ago!) Ananias was prepared to hear God- when he heard his name in a vision, Ananias wasn't like Samuel; Ananias knew immediately that it was the Lord calling him. He answered right away, "Yes, Lord?" (I think it's worth noting that he said that instead of "What now, God?")
God gave clear instruction, and while Ananias didn't refuse or directly offer excuses like Moses did, he still wanted to be sure God knew what He was asking Ananias to do. "But God, you do realize this guy wants to kill people who follow You, right? And God, this isn't just me being paranoid- everything I've heard and seen tells me this is a bad idea. It's NOT a good situation. Do you realize how badly this idea of yours might turn out, God?"
That's kind-of my M.O.- not to defy God and tell Him what I won't do, I just want to be sure He understands MY perspective. MY fears. My reasons for thinking He's asking me to do something that doesn't make much sense.
So how did God respond when Ananias voices his concerns? "Go!" ("Ananias, what you don't know is that this man is already changed. The situation is completely different than what you're expecting. I've chosen to use this very man you think will destroy my church- and you. I know what is going to happen. I know what he's done to my people, and only I know what he's going to face as a result. Thanks for the concern, Ananias, but I've got this one under control.")
The thing that struck me most is this: when I have similar conversations with God, I am acting just like Ananias did. I assume that I see the entire situation, I presume to understand who, what, where and how. Like Ananias, I overlook the fact that God is always working behind the scenes: softening hearts, changing the variables, working in all things for the good of those who love Him. I can trust that when God gives me specific instruction it's because He's been working specifically to make a place for me to be effective. (To be totally honest, though, I'd really like God to give me the street address of where I'm supposed to go!) :-)
Why is it so easy to forget that God never sleeps, that God is always at work, that nothing is impossible with God? Why is it so easy to presume that what we think we know is all there is to know? Why do we act like "walking in faith" means knowing exactly what is in our future? Faith is not only "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see," faith is trusting that God is in control and we can walk in places where we know we do not see the entire situation or understand the details of what God is orchestrating.
We will never be able to comprehend, or even imagine how God works in every situation, understands every variable and knows ahead of time every possible outcome, and ultimately chooses the best possible one from an eternal perspective. We just need to walk in faith, knowing that God loves us and He won't set us up to fail Him. He's working in ways we can't imagine, using unlikely people to do extraordinary things. The really cool thing is that we might just be that unlikely person He's chosen! :-)
Thanks for being my friends, and for listening to my rambles!
-Carmen Powell
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